... to remind me who I am
Hi you!
You just turned 22 about a week ago *does the dance (iykyk)*. You made it to see 22, crazy but just shows how much God truly loves you. Life is still cold and it stays throwing stones at you but you have learned to build a foundation using those same stones. There is a lot you don't understand and still question. A lot of you don't know and a lot you are wrong about. But your eagerness to learn still burns brighter and that makes me proud. You are always open-minded and are quick to listen to other people's stories. You enjoy learning how people view the world from their perspective. You still struggle with vulnerability but you are slowly working on it. I can say there is at least one person (besides your sis) who genuinely knows you & most of your imperfections. Of course, only God truly knows you (Psalms 139). You have come to be content with who you are and what you have. You live by something your mamma always told you, "to try your best and put God first." You are learning to embrace your pain because you have realized that the problem with running from one's problems is that one is always taking themselves. It is easier said than done but on days that you do, you see the beauty in admitting you are not okay. In acknowledging your tiredness and that you can't always be strong (2 Corinthians 12:10; Matthew 11:28). You still laugh a lot and are a sucker for the little things.
Life is unfair (this is something you have known for a while now), so use whatever cards it has dealt you and make the best out of it. Somedays you have to create your own sunshine and opportunities. Be bold and always dare to put yourself out there. Don't focus on what legacy you would what to leave behind when you die ( you will be dead it won't matter) - focus on what you are doing now to change someone's world. The world is too big and too cold for one blanket to cover it. You are changing someone's world with the hope they will pass it along and create a cascade. Remember you are always on a stage, let your actions speak. Be mindful of your words and actions you don't know who you might have just encouraged or inspired.
Self, I am sorry for putting your emotions & feelings on the back burner. Your back must be hurting from carrying everybody elses' pain. It's okay to be selfish once in a while, you have to put on your oxygen mask first before you can help someone else. Being fully yourself is a privilege you don't get to have. So be the best version of what you can express at the moment. Continue to breathe in those little things and maximizing your time with your family because life is too short. Remember you are rich in love and are capable of loving. You are God's masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made. Every time I look in the mirror, I am proud of the woman staring back - I hope this continues even on days you don't feel it.
There is so much I would love to tell you self so until next time.
Love, self
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