I recently caught myself telling a friend that "I have been by myself for so long that I don't really know how it feels to be with someone" during one of our conversations about relationships. In one of those 3 am nights with my thoughts, I started to wonder what does that really mean? I meeaan, sis been single since 99, so I'm not new to this concept. But I have always been surrounded by love even though they were days it didn't feel like it. (I'm truly rich in love and for that, I will forever be grateful). I also know how it feels to be around family and close friends. But here we are exploring the other spectrum of relationships. So, how have I learned to be alone and not be lonely?
It wasn't always easy that's a fact I have to mention. Being alone brought a lot of insecurities; always wondering what is wrong with me, asking myself if I'm truly that ugly, avoiding looking at the mirror, etc... For a time I spent it solving the symptoms but masking the root of the problem. And from time to time, I did have lonely vibes and desired a healthy relationship (somedays just having someone sounded like paradise but I digress). As time has passed by, I have learned how to be by myself and truly enjoy it. I have slowly learned to have joy in my solitude - not being afraid/shameful to do this life not being in a relationship. Embracing my singleness came with lots of benefits. I learned so much about myself & I'm still learning because there are lots of things I'm still unaware of. I learned what I like and what I don't like. I learned the value of having standards and not settling. I learned what a healthy relationship looks like (still learning about this as well) because how can I desire something that I don't even give myself? Most importantly I learned to love myself and God's agape love.
Loving myself is something I'm still proud of to this day. It took a long time but it was all worth it. Loving myself has helped me love those around me better, it has made me see what kinda love I will accept and what I will not accept. Solitude has taught me I'm capable of loving and being loved; it's what made me realize that I'm rich in love. I have gotten to learn my place of serenity. I have learned the value in this space that I can only allow someone in my life who will respect this place as much as I respect it and not tear/disrupt it. Dating me has shown me that I would love someone who will respect me, respect my place of peace & joy, and just add to the overall quality of my life.
So I'll leave you with this: find your place of serenity because this is something no one can take away from you. Be a friend to yourself and learn to respect yourself. And always be kind to yourself (someone once asked me how can I show genuine kindness to others if I can't even show some to myself?).
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