If you haven't watched the vlog, head on over and do that.
The night was getting darker, my body was exhausted, and my shivering teeth had finally had it. So I drove back to my room and got ready for bed. As soon as my eyes were about to shut, a light bulb turned on and I thought why not go skydiving on the solo trip I was about to take. Instead of letting my eyes completely shut and marinate on the thought until the next day, I pulled out my phone and began my skydiving location research (mind you it was around 1 am at this time). In a few days, I was on top of a plane 14.8 thousand feet high not whatsoever ready to jump.
So let me let you all in a little secret: I have acrophobia. I will be the one who goes to amusement parks with people and because of pride, I will get on the ride. But as soon as I get on the ride, I know I have played myself so hard. At that moment, everything in my body leaves, my eyes are closed, and I'm already internally screaming before the ride even starts. There are things in my life I must have wanted to release because signing for skydiving, ya that was another level. That same audacity that I had that cold night poofed as soon as I stepped into the skydiving location. I thought I was going to cancel and peace the hell out but umm ready or not I couldn't turn back. I decided I have booboo the fooled myself this far at this point I might as well see it through and hopefully, I land safely because I also didn't tell my parents about this adventure I decided to partake in. Minutes later the plane is up in the air, the light gives a go, and I'm standing at the edge of the plane mentally prepping my mind when next second I know I'm in the air screaming and laughing simultaneously while my eyes are wide opened. I didn't expect the push (I would explain what I mean by this but it would be spoiler alert for whoever reads this and want to give skydiving a go) and after some reflection, I believe this is what made me forget that my fear of heights existed and I felt freedom. My time in the air was amazing and to this day it's a feeling and memory I cannot fully put into words.
But how can I feel freedom in something that also produces fear? Well if you ask me what freedom means to me I would tell you it's being able to move and flow as you see fit without constraints or limits. When I think of freedom, I think of the ocean. I reckon that's why I envy the ocean because it has something I desire. Ever since I could comprehend what life is and that it's not fair, I don't think I have experienced freedom as a whole. There are lots of things that constrain me some are societal, some environmental, and sometimes I am my limit - somedays I let fear win. As time goes by I'm learning to accept some fears and I'm also learning to find freedom in little things. When I dance, people's opinion of me is not my problem and at that moment it is just I and the music. Trust me you can catch me being the only person on the dance floor. When I sketch all my attention is on that paper and in the midst of all the noise all I hear is silence and I feel covered in peace. When I was in the air I felt nothing and something all at the same time. I felt that John 14: 26-27 kind of peace. I was able to flow with no limitations - I felt like the ocean I envy. I mean I just looked at fear dead in the eye and said "you had the right idea but the wrong chick." When I landed I felt so light; I was carrying soo much weight and baggage (both consciously & unconsciously) and it's as if for those few seconds I was free-falling I was shedding the weight and trashing the baggage. Those ten minutes I spent floating I was letting my mind, soul, and heartfully accept it. Baaaby, did it feel amazing.
Going skydiving assured me that fear will always be lurking trying to catch me in these streets but I am also blessed with the strength to conquer it and reap the blessing awaiting me. And on those days I have nothing left in me, I know I have people in my corner to fight for me; people who will jump with me. Letting go and moving on ain't easy and sometimes we lie to ourselves that we have moved on but what we have done is shoved that memory in the back of our minds (from experience, they come back to haunt you when you least expect it). There is freedom in truly letting go and releasing. In knowing that it might hurt now but I'm also choosing to heal and I will be in a better place for that. Show up for yourself the same way you would show up for someone else.
So all in all I 100x times recommend going skydiving. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
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